The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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