This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
