FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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