i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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