Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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