I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
