I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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