we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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