some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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