i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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