i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
