I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
