Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
