do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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