Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
