Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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