And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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