she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
