Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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