Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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