I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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