you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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