why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
