i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
