You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
