I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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