I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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