I think I died a long time ago.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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