I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
