Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
