yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
