i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
