Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
