I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
