If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
