Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
