I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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