I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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