yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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