A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
