I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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