Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
