it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
