I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
