So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
