you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
