i would punch a child for taco bell
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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