break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
