Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
