haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
