letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
