i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
