Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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