Is it because I queefed?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He felt like a one man threesome
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
