If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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