she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
