I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
