just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
